Live Blogging the Oscars

Caught just a part of the Jackman intro. He's good, but Billy Crystal he's not. Too much talent, not enough "we're all in this together" charm.

James is finally in bed, we're watching some TiVo'd stuff. Thank God for Ben Stiller.

Seth Rogan bit... way too long.

Fast-forwarding through German guy.

Isn't it yet another sign of America's decline that we have to hire an Aussie to host the Oscars?

Oh no, he's going to sing again. Didn't we get rid of the song and dance numbers?

Beyonce got back. Obviously lip-synching, but the butt can't be faked.

Fast-forwarding through rest of overblown song-and-dance number. Wait, is that guys in tuxes playing snare drums?

I always wondered what ever happened to Cuba Gooding, Jr. Here he is!

"Seymour Philip Hoffman!" Bravo, Mr. Arkin!

Shit, I thought that was Burt Reynolds. It was just Josh Brolin.

Walken, oh my God. What's with the back bangs?

Kevin Kline looks old.

Does anyone think Heath Ledger isn't going to win this award?

Shit, I thought that was Yul Brynner. It was just Alan Arkin.

Heath wins. I can't say anything snarky. This speech from his family is authentic.

Werner! What kind of accent is that? It's more than German.

Time for Documentary. I think Bill Maher is presenting. He already made it clear on "Real Time" that he thinks he should have been nominated. I don't think he'll be able to resist making a similar sour grapes "joke" when he appears.

Yup.

"Documentarians"? Is that a word?

I think "Encounters at the End of the World" is the only nominated movie that I actually saw. You should see it.

Upside-down Oscar trick. That's a first.

Why is it that the actual voiceovers for announcing the nominations are pre-recorded? It's always a little jarring to go from the live voice to the recorded voice. I guess actors can't be relied on to deliver their lines without screwing up.

Will Smith. You know, he could probably host sometime. He has the right energy.

"Slumdog" wins a sound editing award. America isn't hosting the show. America isn't winning the awards. (Wait, did that sound xenophobic? I just meant it to sound cynical.)

I have to say, I kind of like this year's set.

Film Editing award. I predict "The Dark Night." Nope, "Slumdog" again. Oh, a Brit.

A tribute to Jerry Lewis?! He's still alive?

Eddie Murphy. Wow, actually looking old. Jerry Lewis doesn't look half bad. Wow.

Why does Sean Penn always look like he's being uplit by a camp fire?

Very humble speech by Jerry Lewis.

Anne just said, "He is VERY fine" (re: Hugh Jackman).

Alicia Keys is very fine.

A.R. Rahman wins. This is seriously getting funny. We aren't even a super power on Oscar night! (He just said "God is great." Somewhere, Bill Maher just rolled his eyes.)

I'm not a very good judge of when people are stoned, but I think Alicia Keys is pretty much stoned all the time.

John Legend is a cool dude, no question about it.

Indians say "fillum"; the British Empire lives!

A foreigner even won Best Foreign Film! Where is the justice?!

I like Queen Latifah as much as the next guy, but why is she here every year?

I'm not liking this year's dead guy format. Too much attention on Queen L.; can't read the names of the deceased.

Michael Crichton died? Before global warming killed him?

Did they skip Heath Ledger? He died in Jan. 2008.

Reese Witherspoon. Lots of blue tonight. Unfortunately, most of it is in her eye shadow.

The director creates "one singular vision." Redundancy.

Ron Howard directed "Frost/Nixon"?!

Slumdog wins again. The Yanks are now, like 0 for the last 6.

Seriously, besides the screenwriter for "Milk," has an American individual won an Oscar tonight?

Halle Berry is the most beautiful woman in the world. Sorry, Gwyenth.

Please give it to Kate Winslet. Please give it to Kate Winslet...

Oh, Sophia. What the hell are you wearing, and what's up with your lips? Oh, you borrowed them from Angelina Jolie.

There's a peacock on Nicole Kidman's chest! (When did she go from beautiful to alien-like?)

Kate gets it. Thank God. (For the record, another non-American.)

More blue.

The dad whistle. That was cool.

Did Kate Winslet just tell Meryl Streep to "suck it up"?

(Hey, why no cutaways to a smug Jack Nicholson this year? Is there a Lakers game tonight?)

Woooowwww. Adrian Brody looks scary.

DeNiro rocks.

It's cheesy, but this peer-to-peer announcement thing works. At least for one year.

Anthony Hopkins is drunk.

Oh, Mickey! (Wait, did HE steal Angelina's lips?) Sean wins. He forgot to thank his wife. Hey, he's American! I don't mind the soap boxing, because I agree with it.

There's just no suspense for the Best Picture announcement. None at all. The only question is, will the cast and crew break into a song and dance number when they win?

There it is. "Slumdog" takes it.

Jackman: "Keep on making movies, and keep on going to them." Nice to end on a subtle hint of, shall we say, economic tension...

Thank you. Thank you all.