If Michele Bachmann Practiced Medicine

Hello, my name is Michele Bachmann, and I’m here with a very special message that I think every American needs to hear.

As you know, some people are pressuring you to embrace the concept of Medicine. But as we also know, Medicine doesn’t work. It’s too big. It’s too powerful. And it’s too inefficient. I, like so many Americans, believe that we need to get Medicine off our backs. Believe me, no matter how some may try to convince you otherwise, the people who practice Medicine simply cannot be trusted with your well-being. In short, Medicine isn’t the solution; it’s the problem.

That’s why I’m desperate to be a part of this horrible, lazy, ineffective institution. I’ve always aspired to work for something I don’t believe in, and I’ve long admired the wonderful men who founded this insidious idea so many centuries ago. In fact, it’s always been a dream of mine to get up every morning, take your money for my salary, and then work hard every day to further an organization that is intrinsically ruinous to the lives of each and every American.

So in short, remember this: Medicine doesn’t work and is inherently evil. That’s why I want to be your doctor.