Blogging the Oscars

Steve Martin & Alec Baldwin... thought I was going to be disappointed. Not at all.

What’s up with Clooney? Smile for hell’s sake!

Why won't Woody fix his teeth?

Christopher Walz, good.

Cameron Diaz still has the face of a clown.

Ed Asner is still alive?!

Wow, Up dude looks like thin Frankenstein.

Not a fan of the tux neckties. Bowties only please.

"Please welcome two actresses who have no idea who we are."

Mylie Cyrus talks like a pack-a-day smoker.

Randy Newman nominated again... twice? Doesn't win again. Is he ever in the crowd?

T Bone Burnett, creepiest man alive.

What is Tina Fey wearing? Me Tarzan, you Tina? What is Downey wearing?

Original screenplay goes to Hurt Locker. Okay, would have preferred Inglourious Basterds. Good speech.

Molly Ringwald?! Oh, it's a John Hughes thing. Is Molly Ringwald really tall, or is Matthew Broderick really short? Wow, for the most part John Hughes movies are filled with the broken dreams of young actors. Wonder why he gets so much more than the usual In Memoriam. In retrospect, nothing was better than "Planes, Trains and Automobiles." A great, great film.

I need to see Up.

Ben Stiller rules. James Cameron has no sense of humor.

What's with Jeff Bridges and the Colonel Sanders look?

Best Adapted Screenplay. Please don't give it to "Up in the Air." Good. Nice cutaway to "all the black people" after Precious writer's speech.

Has Queen Latifa lost weight?

Penelope Cruz is friggin' gorgeous and has the best taste... every year.

Best Supporting Actress... give it to Anna Kendrick, the best part of "Up in the Air," although she looks like a young Tom Cruise in the movie. Goes to Mo'Nique. I'd give it to her based only on the clips, haven't seen the movie. Forgot to thank the director.

Sigourney Weaver is wearing the drapes.

Art Direction should really be a more prominent award. Avatar, no surprise. Gotta start forwarding through the speeches, need to catch up on the DVR...

Awesome cut to a clueless Keanu Reeves after not getting a writerly joke from Martin & Baldwin.

Sarah Jessica Parker is scary, scary, scary. As Anne has pointed out, she looks like Dee Snyder from Twisted Sister.

Why are they saying "the winner is" instead of "the Oscar goes to"? I mean, I prefer it, but it's been a no-no for years.

How can you show Charlize Theron without a closeup?

Is there a lot of noise constantly in the background or am I crazy?

Horror doesn't get the respect it deserves? Puhleeze. The montage only reinforced how much better the genre used to be. Okay, except for The Birds. Oh man, Carrie still gets me. So does The Shining. Is Quentin Tarantino's face made of plastic?

Irony: The audio quality on Morgan Freeman's VO on audio editing ... sucks. Audio editing winner looks like Christopher Walken crossed with an albino witch. Hurt Locker surprisingly winning technical awards I thought were locks for Avatar.

Brad Pitt should have been nominated.

What the hell is it about James Cameron that really bothers me?

Why was Demi Moore not with the Brat Pack? Too good?!

In Memoriam coming ... James Taylor, sweet. Beatles, even sweeter. Dom Deluise died? R.I.P. Larry Gelbart.

A dance number ... fast forward.

Jesus, what is wrong with George Clooney? Almost caught up now ...

Will Avatar win Visual Effects? Is the pope German?

Good screenwriter joke, Mr. Baldwin's writer.

Snuggi joke good. Keanu Reeves bad. Always.

Don't know why main dude in Hurt Locker wasn't nominated. Oops, he was.

I kind of liked these "peer to peer" things last year; not sure this year. Clooney, get a haircut. I really love Clooney, but I have to say one more thing: He's starting to look more and more like he was drawn by Matt Groening.

Imagine a bunch of CPAs publicly loving each other as much as these actors do. Kudos to Tim Robbins for not taking it that seriously.

I love Kate Winslet. Even if she looks like toothpaste being squeezed from a silver tube.

Jeff Bridges. Haven't seen the movie yet, but good for The Colonel. He's stoned.

T. Bone Burnett, child molester.

Why is everyone wearing Martin Scorcese glasses?

Sandra Bullock, too much lipstick.

Wishing I could still fast forward ...

Why is Oprah being all mentory on acting? Good speech, though.

Most overused word on Oscar night: "brilliant."

Capping nominations rule, good bit.

Sean Penn: well meaning, never articulate.

Best Actress goes to ... Sandra Bullock. Kind of a letdown. "Did I really earn this, or did I just wear y'all down?" Good line. Great speech.

Who's the goon behind Helen Mirren?

Time for Director. "it could be, for the first time, a woman, or an African-American ... " But no, it's going to be another white dude who's already won. I'd actually love it if Tarantino won this one, but there's no chance. It's Bigelow! Good, the time has come indeed. Downright embarrassing that it took this long.

Who does Katherine Bigelow look like? Driving me crazy.

"I Am Woman"? Really?

Hurt Locker wins! Wow, quickest announcement (Tom Hanks) in history. Good for them. Sorry, James, you'll just have to go home and count your money. Feels good. A victory for theme, writing and acting.

"The show is so long that Avatar now takes place in the past."

Good show. I'd take Mssrs. Baldwin and Martin over every other host, except of course Billy Crystal.

Good night.


Kristen Gill said…
Awesome review! I had some of the same sentiments. Oh, and I think Kathryn Bigelow looks like Elizabeth Hurley. I agree on the best hosts ever (besides Billy C.). Totally unexpected, but funny as hell!
Marc Conklin said…
Ah, Elizabeth Hurley. I think it's her, but also Rita Wilson.
Anonymous said…
I can't believe she is almost 60.
- Lead Singer

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