Thoughtapalooza

"Plate" is not a verb. You cannot "plate" my meal any more than I can "Visa" your bill.

Medellin will turn out to suck. I'll bet you $20. E is never wrong.

As of today, Dunn Bros. coffee is still the world's finest legal drug.

My four-year-old son is the sweetest, most arrogant person I know.

If conservatives think we should put people in charge of government who don't believe in government, then I await the day when ExxonMobile hires the head of Greenpeace as its new CEO.

Some people rented hotel rooms just to be able to read the new Harry Potter book in one quiet sitting. I'm not sure if this is a sign of sickness or hope.

If you actually believe the Earth is 6,000 years old, how do you explain the petroleum-based product that runs your SUV?

Halogen lighting is more aesthetically pleasing than standard lighting. It sucks that it uses way more energy.

The moral line on sex should be consent, not sexual preference.

I have heard many fundamentalist and evangelical Christians decry homosexuality. I have never heard one rail against rape.

Jon Stewart looks frighteningly ashen without makeup.

We have reached the point where a name like "Wolf Blitzer" no longer shocks anybody.

There are no mosquitoes in Minnesota this year. Are they in a suicide pact with the bees?

Racquetball is due for a comeback. It needs a new name, a fluorescent court, and a movie starring Will Ferrell.

Is glue really made from horses?

If Al Gore's motivation is money, why didn't he become an energy industry lobbyist?

Bright Eyes is a horrible name for a fabulous band.

I don't know about that Fred Thompson. He's so... ambitious.

The most dangerous country to America is still Pakistan.

I can only express anger to inanimate objects, and their passive resistance infuriates me.