Why McCain Will Win

Ever since he became the Republican nominee, I've had a feeling that John McCain will be the next U.S. president. Even as the media spends all of its attention on the two candidates whom I would support in a general election against Sen. McCain, and Obama enjoys his well-documented rock star status, I know the Dems won't win. Here are a few of the reasons why:

- They're spending too much time making fun of McCain's age. I've warned about this before. Do NOT make someone into a victim when that person actually has been a victim. John McCain doesn't control his age any more than Obama controls his race or Hillary controls her gender. And McCain spent almost six years in the Hanoi Hilton. Six years. Think about that.

- If McCain runs against Hillary (whom I still think will somehow, some way, through some set of extraordinary circumstances, seize the nomination), he will have a billion dollars wired to his campaign coffers overnight. In the proverbial blink of an eye, Republicans will be once again more united than Democrats. Remember how that felt?

- Fear will make a comeback. Personally, I would be far more fearful with a President McCain than either a President Clinton or a President Obama, and he's not the man I want answering the phone at 3 a.m. But I'm in the minority. The Republicans won't resort to blatant homophobia this time around, but they will do everything in their power to make it feel like Sept. 12, 2001, leading up to the election.

- If McCain runs against Obama, the issue won't be race, or experience, or Rev. Wright, or the war in Iraq. True, it will instantly be dubbed "McCain vs. Hussein," but more important, the true deciding factor will be that when people look at Obama, all they'll see is this:

The man has big ears. And unfortunately, the electorate cares more about that than whether we can keep atmospheric carbon levels under 500 ppm over the next 100 years.


Anonymous said…
man, that's one cynical take. Ouch.
Marc Conklin said…
I've been a little under-cynical as of late... needed to get back on track
Anonymous said…
Is "under cynical" more like A) under nourished or B) under the weather?


P.S. Way cynical and way accurate.
Anonymous said…
But look at how short McCain's arms are. He actually has alligator arms. Won't that balance the ear thing? And by the way, big ears are not a bad thing.
Marc Conklin said…
The USCA recommends 300 mg of cynicism per day. I've been at about 140, 150.
Ted said…
I actually like the fact that McCain would be the guy answering the phone at 3 in the morning. No matter what is said on that phone it won't compare with what he has dealt with. He also is the personification of the old muppet guys that don't like anything.
Anonymous said…
I think somebody needs a few more mg's of cynicism.
Presidential candidates as freaking Muppets!?

Sure, what the hell.

Spare Zoloft, anyone?

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