Wednesday, August 29, 2007

ObserFootballvations

And now, a one-time-only feature on BBS in which I mash-up my football predictions for the only two teams I care about--Notre Dame and the Vikings--with random thoughts and observations from my small world at large.

- Despite Charlie Weis' bristling at the word, this is a "rebuilding" year for ND. With no proven offensive firepower and a brutal first two-thirds of the schedule that includes Georgia Tech, Penn State, Michigan, UCLA, Boston College and USC, we should be reveling in a season with *gasp!* appropriately set expectations.

- Humidity sucks.

- The Vikings will basically be the same team this year that they were last year, with three possible exceptions: Tavaris Jackson will be a little better, Adrian Peterson will give them 25 percent more offense (which will still put them near the bottom of the league), and the secondary will be improved.

- Somebody should come out with a new drinking game: one shot of Goldschlager every time a Republican politician refuses to come out of the closet despite overwhelming evidence that the Grand Designer crafted him gay. (See: Larry Craig)

- ND will exceed expectations in the Saturday opener against Georgia Tech before settling back into a much more difficult reality. Weis' offensive playcalling can only compensate so much for a green quarterback (whoever it is), average running backs and an unknown wide receiver corps.

- It's a profound moment when you pull the last plastic garbage bag out of the Glad box, and then realize it's time to put the box inside the bag. Kind of like the child having to change the parent's diaper.

- If there are stats kept for such things, the Vikings will set a record this year for the highest ratio of defensive to offensive touchdowns.

- If someone were to transcribe actual adult American speech, we would be shocked to realize that we all say "'cuz" and "'n' stuff."

- ND: 6-6, Vikings: 8-8

- Averageosity sucks... 'cuz it's so average 'n' stuff.

5 comments:

Stephen Dashboard said...

Okay, admitted, I know NOTHING about football except how to watch a game, but this stopped me cold:

"It's a profound moment when you pull the last plastic garbage bag out of the Glad box, and then realize it's time to put the box inside the bag. Kind of like the child having to change the parent's diaper."

I've had the same thought--it's like "Huh. This is ironic. You've dispensed these for me, and now I shall dispense with you! Take that!"

Do insects have such moments? First ant: "Hey! Adam. Why you carrying the pebble THAT way? You'll throw out your exoskeleton!" Second ant: "Cuz I thought that's how you do it 'n stuff..."

Marc Conklin said...

I've considered building an entire screenplay (or at least a character) on the "trash bag moment." There's a line in the new Bright Eyes record: "First a mother bathes her child, then the other way around, things always find a way to level out." Well stated, but I prefer the trash bag.

The Wordman said...

don't you guys recycle? this messes up your "cycle of life" imagery, but come on, get with the program...

cardboard is murder!
packaging is species suicide!

Marc Conklin said...

Cardboard is nothing. Now that I'm halfway through, "The World Without Us," it's more like, Polymers Are Forever. (Ziploc is murder.)

Vegas Gopher said...

Man, our alma maters (almas mater?) sure did us proud on Saturday. At least we still have Dick in a Box to keep us in good spirits.