Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Un-Antiquated Statutes

I listened last week to the audiobook of Bill Maher's brilliant New Rules book, and today I decided to be hyper-observant while taking James to daycare and driving to a lesser-known Dunn Bros. on Lyndale. The result is this.

Un-Antiquated Statute: Minnesotans Must Learn to Go Around

Closed-circuit to Minnesota drivers: When you're behind someone who's turning left, and there's a nice wide, unused lane to your right, you can go into it. You don't have to wait for all the traffic to go by in the other direction and for the person in front of you to make his turn. No one will arrest you, and you will not receive an electric shock. Go around. Seriously. Go around. Go AROUND!!

Un-Antiquated Statute: The Labor Movement Must Market Its Labor

"From the people who brought you the weekend" is a clever tagline. There's only one problem. You're a labor movement. Labor means "work." When you have a poor public image based on the perception that you enjoy mandated breaks while everyone else cracks open the laptop as soon as the kids go to bed, it's not a good idea to tout something related to not working--especially when everyone else is working over the weekend.

Un-Antiquated Statute: Graffiti Needs to Start Making Sense

Writing "QUACK" on a traffic light pole on Cedar Avenue doesn't do anything for me. I'm just sayin'...

Un-Antiquated Statute: I Need to Learn How to Sing

There's nothing worse than finding a great song like Dan Wilson's "Free Life," thinking it's in your range as you croon into the windshield, and then realizing that you can't hit a single note in the chorus or the bridge. On second thought: Un-Antiquated Statute: Dan Wilson Needs to Write Songs with Only Three Notes.

Un-Antiquated Statute: "Edna Realty" Needs to Learn that It Isn't Fooling Anyone

Yes, you're a real estate company. Yes, one of your colors is red. But everyone knows you're missing an "i," and everyone can see you're located next to the crappy car dealers on East Lake Street.

And finally...

Un-Antiquated Statute: Radio Stations Need to Go Back to Using Their Call Letters

The Edge. The End. The Point. Drive 105. Love 105. Enough already. Go back to "KRAP 103 FM. We're the Shit."

4 comments:

fab4fan said...

Of course, Bill Maher's never been married ...

(Big wonder. I love his political and religious humor, but he's a misogynistic pig otherwise.)

fab4fan said...

(Actually the above post was in response to the Delivery Vehicle post, where it makes more sense.)

Anonymous said...

Actually, most places around the country don't practice the right-side pass as much as here in MN. (This probably has to do with the lack of left turn lanes on our city streets).
You probably don't need me to remind you that driver's handbooks frown on the manuever, as it's highly dangerous in most situations (you drive into the stopped car's blind spot). I would suggest to anyone who's read this post that you pass a car on the right ONLY with extreme caution. And if I'm in a stopped car, and I need to get over to the right, please don't rush to pass me on the right--because I can't see you.

The Wordman said...

"Writing "QUACK" on a traffic light pole on Cedar Avenue doesn't do anything for me. I'm just sayin'..."

however, writing QUACK on the bottom quadrant of a Stop sign conveys an important social message:

STOP QUACK

only slightly less significant than the classic:

STOP FARTING

context is everything.